i can never understand the obsession most GUYS seem to have with bkt(bak kut teh)?? i mean.. when young, it was my dad who would always take us every sat for bkt in klang, in ss2, near loong foong and anywhere n everywhere that serves it. All i eat is the yau cha guai and drink the soup with my rice. So, i don’t get much kick out of a meal of bkt. then again, it seems i dun seem to get much kick out of anything.
and then came my bf who also almost always wanted to have bkt for his meal ie lunch during uni times and his friends joined in too with the bkt frenzy. seriously, i was just plain sick of bkt!! =p bleh.. even when i went to aussie as that time my bf was living with his malay housemate hence, no PORK! so, we had to go over to another friend’s house to cook bkt! urgh!! bkt again!!
and now.. my colleagues are into this too..
ok. gtg. will say more on this later on when i do have the time to…
1) it’s no longer my bday.
2) early morning, someone nag me… then few minutes later, yelled at me.
3) no mood to go shopping but promised sis, so we went to 1u, wanted park at the old wing jusco basement. mana tau, stupid 1u management or whoever smartly directed traffic to first avenue car park (one world hotel’s carpark)! and from there, you have to walk FREAKING far to the 1u lift and get off at B1 (we had to park at B3) and take a different lift to 1u! how stupid is that!!!??? and the lift takes ages to come to our floor!!!
it really makes me wonder how ppl who supposedly are the “management” get to be at that level in the first place when their actions show such stupidity!! if patrons can’t find parking, let us have the option of rounding the lot looking for a space! don’t force us to go to a different location and then make us walk super freaking far, in the humid heat and wait forever for the lift with no option of staircases! plus, leaves us susceptible to being robed or kidnapped and whatever not!
4) hp kena stolen! that’s the second time in less than 6 mths. super sui. maybe i won’t ever get one anymore.
5) can say more but what’s the point???!!!
now really LAGI no mood. it’s bad enough that it’s a sunday and tmr… it’s back to work! now, more malang crap? sigh. i think it’s just not my nature to be optimistic for long. maybe not where i m. maybe i need to break free from home… from work… start somewhere new.
then again, if only i have such luxury.
nothing does. all good things comes to an end.
it’s the inevitable. ppl are just selfish and self-serving. it’s all me, me, me and… ME!
it’s ok for some politicians to badmouth certain races but HEY it’s not ok if it’s directed at them EVEN if it’s the absolute truth! they just use the ISA as a form or retaliation. but seriously, who really cares about world peace? nation peace? racial integration and harmony? ppl who are in power are just in FOR the power… for the dirty money. they feigned ignorance and think all is rite and that they are loved by the people or they just put up a show thinking no one is the wiser and everyone else are fools.
life just isn’t the way it should be anymore. sex is no longer taboo what more to say gay and lessbianism. raping and killing is ok. ppl can rob other ppl’s hard-earned money but hey… it’s alrite! it’s ok for kids in primary school to be smoking, swearing and who knows? maybe they’ve already started sexual activities then. it’s ok for adolescents and adults to smoke, drink, swear and be promiscuous cos HEY… it’s ALL the rage rite now.
it is not my intention to judge anyone (and never is) who does the above ok. don’t take this personally. i am just ranting. you are who u are. and i am who i am. i am well aware that i am no saint either but i try my best to be the best that i can be.
but even then, i fall by dar. it was easy being “happy me” when my head was probably in the clouds. In REALITY? guess that’s just not so feasible especially when you don’t have support at all whatsoever. not even from your so-called-loved ones. what more to say strangers?
thank you for saying ALL those hurtful words… for inducing all the pain and tears. i hope you are happy and satisfied!
thank you for being my family and yet not! you know what? Satan wins in this case.
thank you for calling yourself my friend and yet don’t act like one.
u know what? i admire ppl who have the guts to off themselves. i mean, one can only wonder and think about doing it but to actually do it? that takes plenty of guts. i don’t endorse it but hey… who am i to say anything, rite?
i wish i could leave EVERYTHING behind and go somewhere far and never return. ever. away from home, from work, from what little friends that i have and ppl who call themselves “friends”. yes, including you. sad, isn’t it? i wish for things that if i say it out loud, i WILL forever definitely REGRET it and perhaps shock all of you who know me but there is still a shred of sense in me that tells me to hold back. to be rational for even just a second.
times like this, i wish i could be vindictive. to come up with such a brilliant plan to hurt those that have hurt me and execute that plan. so that they can feel the pain that i feel, the utter bleakness that i feel but that’s just not me. somehow, i can’t seem to be mean no matter how much i wish i could.
i feel that ppl i love in my life are constantly letting me down. hurting me. disappointing me. i guess turnabout is fairplay cos that’s what i am doing to God isn’t it? it’s so hard to depend on someone that you can’t see, fill nor touch. how do i depend when i am faithless? how do i depend when there’s nothing left? how do i turn for guidance to those that God has appointed to lead when they themselves are lost?
maybe i m not rite for u. maybe bcos of me, that’s why u said whatever u said. those words that u don’t want me to say. the words that i felt from the very beginning but just didn’t say them cos i know u didn’t like me to. but u said it anyway.
i guess i dun matter and that’s why the happy me can’t last.
the question is: do i just lay flat on the ground? or do i pick myself up and continually running the race to reach the goal- a happy me?
actually, in conjunction with my change of mindset from the super negative and pessimistic me to the cheery chirpy me, i have been thinking of changing the blog theme. when i was pessmistic, i felt that the current dark blue gloomy template suited my then gloomy thoughts and temperament very well. However, now it just looks tooo “gloomy”.
and i ve been thinking of actually joining nuffnang. they seem to be pretty hype and happening bunch with loads of really hip ideas! and i have been blogging since 2003 itself ay my previous blogspot account and yeah even if my blog may not have many readers (for now, that is)… there’s no harm in starting from somewhere rite? who knows what can happen in a year? just take a look at nuffnang’s short history to present success.. i mean, who knows what may even happen tmr?
u just never know.
hence, i was checking out nuffnang’s site, to better understand their terms and conditions and from what i understand, it may be better for me to continue blogging at my previous blog in blogspot! and the funny thing is… i ve always preferred blogspot! i find it easier to post my pics… to use verdana font instead etc. u have to understand that i m not computer savvy watsoever. so, html is out of the question! i m the kind of person who just knows how to check her mail, surf the net, chat on msn and that’s basically about it. a real dumbo at computer staff or anything for that matter.
ok. i seem to have digress. as usual. so, the question is… “why did i change to wordpress instead?”, rite? it’s because of their privatise-an-entry-function! for blogspot, i can only set a limit to invited guests only to read my uninteresting and morbid entries as a form of protection to any unwanted readers where else with wordpress, i would be able to password protect specifically the entries i didn’t want certain ppl to read. i was ok with ppl reading certain parts of my entries but not all especially office ppl.
anyhow, with the terms set out, it would seem that i’ll be heading back to my blogspot account. we shall see how things goes.
ps: Sigh. Job allocation is out and i am thoroughly upset with my allocation. I must have pissed someone off to be assigned to a shitty job (or so i was told) til end of march and at the beck n call of the other dept’s senior (whom it seems might not be so nice or so i was told). and it is a possibility that i am to be the lab rat (as per a friend) experiment in the integration of jobs with the other dept. i really don’t like their work-late-even-if-there-isn’t-a-need-to culture! this is SO going to put my “positive me” mindset to a test which at this moment i can feel my happy me wavering… and slipping…
please grant me the serenity to accept the things that i cannot change;
courage to change the things that i can;
and the wisdom to know the difference.
i was at SS2 Maybank with my bro ytd and guessed wat??
d “uneducated jerk” was smoking INSIDE the bank where the ATMs and cash deposits were!!! making the place reeked! it really annoys me so. Which is yet another reason why i love aussie! cos the smokers are restricted to certain areas and ppl aren’t usually so idiotical or at least none that i ve come across, so far.
i hate it when things aren’t rite. But lately, with me being upset and all, it doesn’t really feel like anyone is there… not even u.*sigh* maybe i want more than what i can get and after all, the grass is greener on the other side. it’s so hard that i m not happy in any level of my life rite now. u dun even care. somehow, last time, u take the effort. now, u just shrug things off.
if i were to die tonite, there won’t be anything left behind cos there isn’t anything that i m happy about. in fact, if i were to die tonite, it would make life better for everyone. cos i won’t be leaving anything behind worth living for.
sometimes, it’s amazing how we can treat our friends or even outsiders better than how we treat our family. we tolerate others more. we tend to be more patient and understanding and mostly, we find the time to help others but when it comes down to our own family.. it’s the “i m too busy” or “i have no time” excuse. i tot there is a saying that goes “charity begins at home”. then again, guess it’s just a saying..
it’s funny how a person can say they love u but their actions sing a different tune and it’s funny how sometimes, somethings can be so wrong for u and yet u can’t say no to it and by the time u realise it, it’s too late. either that or u continual to delude urself thinking that things might work out or it’s too late and there’s nth to be done about it. it’s also funny how u can gripe about the way things are but yet find it hard to leave the comfort zone.
i want to say things and do things to hurt u.. cos rite now, i feel so down.. so hurt that i just want to get back at u.. but i guess, when this feeling fades.. i might regret it. i can say “to hell with it” or “whatever” but i guess i should just hold it back. lately, i m giving up on things.. i m too tired to do it anymore.. to hold up the pretenses.. to control my thoughts, actions and words.. but at the same time, i m losing the better part of me.
someone told me, it would be good when i wake up in the morning, the first thing i should do is to thank God for at least 3-5 things in my life. *sigh* i dunno. maybe i should try it. things between me and God doesn’t seem rite anymore.. he’s kinda faded… that’s if he was there in the first place and maybe that’s why i feel that life is meaningless and am overwhelm by sadness and melancholicness.
it’ll be nice for once to have a “meredith” or a “christina”…
i tot u were my best friend.. i guess it was all just wishful thinking on my part.
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