i hate u

January 14, 2009 at 3:42 am (feelings) (, )

i feel so hurt rite now but what’s the point in saying things that i just very well might regret later on? i cannot fathom how u can say n do the things u said n did. but i m the loser, as usual.

worse part is, i have to wake up in less than 5 hours but it’s hard to sleep especially sporting a headache, tummyache from 4-5pm til now and a heartache for the what?? trillionth time??

i think u re a genius at trampling hearts and smashing it into a billion pieces. i think i could even write an entire novel on it or perhaps come out with a hit song on that.

it’s funny how ppl u care most are the ones that will hurt u the most.

it’s funny how one is supposed to stop n think before one speaks but the other person will just sputter hateful and hurtful words with nary a thought of and for ur feelings.

how can ppl say the things they do in the heat of the moment or in anger and rage n then expect ppl to forget? words once spoken can’t be taken back.

i wonder why i stick up with all the nonsense all these years. am i making a mistake? or perhaps i m living the mistake over and over and again?

perhaps, i m a weak fool. i fear change and i hate the unknown. i doubt hope but still hope in vain.

u re riding on the waves where else i m an ostrich with it’s head stuck in the sand.

some kind of new year this is turning out for me.

ppl say,“at least u r safe n unharm… “

but the question is… “am i really?? if only…..”

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once again, nothing lasts…

November 2, 2008 at 5:52 pm (feelings) (, , )

i gave u something precious.

u took it, trampled on it, spat at it and broke it into a million pieces.

i never knew u could be such a jerk, such a butthole.

an all over just cos ur tv show was more important.

i guess u re happy now. then, good for u.

maybe we’re better off this way.

i truly regretted the day i first saw u.

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nothing lasts forever…

November 2, 2008 at 1:59 am (rant) (, , )

nothing does. all good things comes to an end.

it’s the inevitable. ppl are just selfish and self-serving. it’s all me, me, me and… ME!

it’s ok for some politicians to badmouth certain races but HEY it’s not ok if it’s directed at them EVEN if it’s the absolute truth! they just use the ISA as a form or retaliation. but seriously, who really cares about world peace? nation peace? racial integration and harmony? ppl who are in power are just in FOR the power… for the dirty money. they feigned ignorance and think all is rite and that they are loved by the people or they just put up a show thinking no one is the wiser and everyone else are fools.

life just isn’t the way it should be anymore. sex is no longer taboo what more to say gay and lessbianism. raping and killing is ok. ppl can rob other ppl’s hard-earned money but hey… it’s alrite! it’s ok for kids in primary school to be smoking, swearing and who knows? maybe they’ve already started sexual activities then. it’s ok for adolescents and adults to smoke, drink, swear and be promiscuous cos HEY… it’s ALL the rage rite now.

it is not my intention to judge anyone (and never is) who does the above ok. don’t take this personally. i am just ranting. you are who u are. and i am who i am. i am well aware that i am no saint either but i try my best to be the best that i can be.

but even then, i fall by dar. it was easy being “happy me” when my head was probably in the clouds. In REALITY? guess that’s just not so feasible especially when you don’t have support at all whatsoever. not even from your so-called-loved ones. what more to say strangers? 

thank you for saying ALL those hurtful words… for inducing all the pain and tears. i hope you are happy and satisfied!

thank you for being my family and yet not! you know what? Satan wins in this case.

thank you for calling yourself my friend and yet don’t act like one.

u know what? i admire ppl who have the guts to off themselves. i mean, one can only wonder and think about doing it but to actually do it? that takes plenty of guts. i don’t endorse it but hey… who am i to say anything, rite?

i wish i could leave EVERYTHING behind and go somewhere far and never return. ever. away from home, from work, from what little friends that i have and ppl who call themselves “friends”. yes, including you. sad, isn’t it? i wish for things that if i say it out loud, i WILL forever definitely REGRET it and perhaps shock all of you who know me but there is still a shred of sense in me that tells me to hold back. to be rational for even just a second. 

times like this, i wish i could be vindictive. to come up with such a brilliant plan to hurt those that have hurt me and execute that plan. so that they can feel the pain that i feel, the utter bleakness that i feel but that’s just not me. somehow, i can’t seem to be mean no matter how much i wish i could.

i feel that ppl i love in my life are constantly letting me down. hurting me. disappointing me. i guess turnabout is fairplay cos that’s what i am doing to God isn’t it? it’s so hard to depend on someone that you can’t see, fill nor touch. how do i depend when i am faithless? how do i depend when there’s nothing left? how do i turn for guidance to those that God has appointed to lead when they themselves are lost?

maybe i m not rite for u. maybe bcos of me, that’s why u said whatever u said. those words that u don’t want me to say. the words that i felt from the very beginning but just didn’t say them cos i know u didn’t like me to. but u said it anyway.

i guess i dun matter and that’s why the happy me can’t last.

the question is: do i just lay flat on the ground? or do i pick myself up and continually running the race to reach the goal- a happy me?

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Protected: i hate it when u leave me hurting like this

September 21, 2008 at 2:22 am (rant) (, , , , )

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