i hate arguing… and everything else…

September 28, 2008 at 3:22 am (rant) (, , )

i hate it when things aren’t rite. But lately, with me being upset and all, it doesn’t really feel like anyone is there… not even u.*sigh* maybe i want more than what i can get and after all, the grass is greener on the other side. it’s so hard that i m not happy in any level of my life rite now. u dun even care. somehow, last time, u take the effort. now, u just shrug things off.

if i were to die tonite, there won’t be anything left behind cos there isn’t anything that i m happy about. in fact, if i were to die tonite, it would make life better for everyone. cos i won’t be leaving anything behind worth living for.

sometimes, it’s amazing how we can treat our friends or even outsiders better than how we treat our family. we tolerate others more. we tend to be more patient and understanding and mostly, we find the  time to help others but when it comes down to our own family.. it’s the “i m too busy” or “i have no time” excuse. i tot there is a saying that goes “charity begins at home”. then again, guess it’s just a saying..

it’s funny how a person can say they love u but their actions sing a different tune and it’s funny how sometimes, somethings can be so wrong for u and yet u can’t say no to it and by the time u realise it, it’s too late. either that or u continual to delude urself thinking that things might work out or it’s too late and there’s nth to be done about it. it’s also funny how u can gripe about the way things are but yet find it hard to leave the comfort zone.

i want to say things and do things to hurt u.. cos rite now, i feel so down.. so hurt that i just want to get back at u.. but i guess, when this feeling fades.. i might regret it. i can say “to hell with it” or “whatever” but i guess i should just hold it back. lately, i m giving up on things.. i m too tired to do it anymore.. to hold up the pretenses.. to control my thoughts, actions and words.. but at the same time, i m losing the better part of me.

someone told me, it would be good when i wake up in the morning, the first thing i should do is to thank God for at least 3-5 things in my life. *sigh* i dunno. maybe i should try it. things between me and God doesn’t seem rite anymore.. he’s kinda faded… that’s if he was there in the first place and maybe that’s why i feel that life is meaningless and am overwhelm by sadness and melancholicness.

it’ll be nice for once to have a “meredith” or a “christina”…

i tot u were my best friend.. i guess it was all just wishful thinking on my part.


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