i hate arguing… and everything else…

September 28, 2008 at 3:22 am (rant) (, , )

i hate it when things aren’t rite. But lately, with me being upset and all, it doesn’t really feel like anyone is there… not even u.*sigh* maybe i want more than what i can get and after all, the grass is greener on the other side. it’s so hard that i m not happy in any level of my life rite now. u dun even care. somehow, last time, u take the effort. now, u just shrug things off.

if i were to die tonite, there won’t be anything left behind cos there isn’t anything that i m happy about. in fact, if i were to die tonite, it would make life better for everyone. cos i won’t be leaving anything behind worth living for.

sometimes, it’s amazing how we can treat our friends or even outsiders better than how we treat our family. we tolerate others more. we tend to be more patient and understanding and mostly, we find the  time to help others but when it comes down to our own family.. it’s the “i m too busy” or “i have no time” excuse. i tot there is a saying that goes “charity begins at home”. then again, guess it’s just a saying..

it’s funny how a person can say they love u but their actions sing a different tune and it’s funny how sometimes, somethings can be so wrong for u and yet u can’t say no to it and by the time u realise it, it’s too late. either that or u continual to delude urself thinking that things might work out or it’s too late and there’s nth to be done about it. it’s also funny how u can gripe about the way things are but yet find it hard to leave the comfort zone.

i want to say things and do things to hurt u.. cos rite now, i feel so down.. so hurt that i just want to get back at u.. but i guess, when this feeling fades.. i might regret it. i can say “to hell with it” or “whatever” but i guess i should just hold it back. lately, i m giving up on things.. i m too tired to do it anymore.. to hold up the pretenses.. to control my thoughts, actions and words.. but at the same time, i m losing the better part of me.

someone told me, it would be good when i wake up in the morning, the first thing i should do is to thank God for at least 3-5 things in my life. *sigh* i dunno. maybe i should try it. things between me and God doesn’t seem rite anymore.. he’s kinda faded… that’s if he was there in the first place and maybe that’s why i feel that life is meaningless and am overwhelm by sadness and melancholicness.

it’ll be nice for once to have a “meredith” or a “christina”…

i tot u were my best friend.. i guess it was all just wishful thinking on my part.

Advertisements

Permalink Leave a Comment

Protected: i hate it when u leave me hurting like this

September 21, 2008 at 2:22 am (rant) (, , , , )

This content is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

Permalink Enter your password to view comments.

addicted!!

September 18, 2008 at 11:31 pm (book, musing) (, )

i finished the “twilight” and i went and bought the second book “new moon” today and i m almost half way through. gosh. i definitely am so addicted that i will probably buy the third and fourth book this weekend!

new moon @ RM39.50
new moon @ RM39.50

i can’t wait for my study break to come!! I have 1 and a half weeks left til then!! wheeee..

on a side note, the grass ALWAYS seems greener on the other side!

Permalink Leave a Comment

Please make it real again… for me…

September 18, 2008 at 11:22 pm (songs) ()

Dear God,

it was once real to me… please make it so again cos u re the only one who can save me even when I’ve fallen from your grace. You truly know who I am and with you by my side, I will know which path to take. No one else seems able to see beyond the facade. Then again, no one is looking beyond it

Your fallen child.

 

James Morrison- You make it real

Mmmm
There’s so much craziness surrounding me
There’s so much going on it gets hard to breathe
All my faith has gone you bring it back to me
You make it real for me
Well I’m not sure of my priorities
I’ve lost site of where I’m ment to be
And like holy water washing over me

You make it real for me
And IIIIIIIII’m running to you baby
Youuu are the only one who save me
That’s whyyy I’ve been missing you lately
Cause you make it real for me

When my head is strong but my heart is weak
I’m full of hurricanes and uncertainty
But I can find the words
You teach my heart to speak

You make it real for meee yeaaa
And iiiiiiiiii’m running to you baby
You are the only one who save me
That’s whyyy I’ve been missing you lately
Cause you make it real for me

Everybodies talking in words
I don’t understand
You got to be the only one
Who knows just who I am
And you shine in the distance
I hope I can make it through
Cause the only place
That I want to be
Is right back home with you

I guess there’s so much more
I have to learn
But if you’re here with me
I know which way to turn
You always give me somewhere,
Somewhere I can learn

You make it real for me
And iiiii’m running to you baby
Cause you are the only one who save me
That’s why I’ve been missing you lately
Cause you make it real for me
You make it real for me

Permalink Leave a Comment

retail therapy almost ALWAYS works!

September 18, 2008 at 12:08 am (musing) ()

i’ve been feeling somewhat down lately and it doesn’t feel as if i have anyone to share or confide in besides bf. then again, it’s not something i can just bare my soul about. last time, i had my childhood friend, my petbro, my bf’s uni mate etc. but now…

my childhood friend somehow doesn’t want to be my friend anymore or doesn’t keep in touch or sth along those lines, my bro is in his own la la world of privacy and keeps saying that he will tell me whatever it is that he wants to tell me someday but that’s like ancient years ago punya story and my bf’s uni mate has a gf and is currently overseas working… and i understand when guys have gfs, things change.

so, there. on to other matters, i don’t know if i m pms-ing or being sensitive or what… but i thought that i meant more to certain people that i’ve known for a few years but based on the decisions and the things that they have said, i guess not. it’s time to move on. no point hanging on to something that’s not even there, rite? then again, if only my head can convince my heart that.

however, being down-ish and all, i went to Borders at Curve and Vinci at Ikano for some retail therapy!

1) getting a good book to read.. or sth to keep me occupied is a M-U-S-T!! a friend has read the below book and also another friend blogged about it. I, too read part of it and so, i bought the book. giving it a go. =)

twilight @ RM35.50
twilight @ RM35.50

2) haven’t indulged in starbucks’ frapuccino in ages… hence, despite feeling frumpy and unattractive(what’s new??)… after buying my book from borders, i walked over to starbucks! and the sinful temptation cost me RM14.20 for just the small size with whipped cream (and i here i am always complaining why i can’t seem to lose weight!) *hehe*

frappucino java chips @ starbucks
frappucino java chips @ starbucks

3) bought a pair of working shoes at Vinci. After discount, it was RM60.. which isn’t really that cheap.

4) bought 3 wrapping papers and 4 meters of ribbon and totalled to RM21!! that’s crazy rite? tell me about it. i was so dumb k. i just told the shopguy how many meters of which ribbon i wanted without asking him first and only after he had cut it did it occur to me to ask. A meter of the ribbon was RM3/RM3.50. Such craziness!

and then i headed home. going to read my novel now!! wheeee…..

TOTAL DAMAGE = approx RM130 spent in just an hour!! *gosh*

but i guess in away it was worth it as i do feel a little bit cheered up!! =)

*sigh* wish tmr won’t come.

dread going to work. it’s been so long that i’ve been stuck in this position. wonder when things will change.

Permalink Leave a Comment

Guy sebatian’s taller, stronger, better

September 17, 2008 at 12:37 am (Uncategorized)

I’ve met the darkness
Been held by the night
Lonely was there in my arms
I’ve been with broken
I’ve stared in her eyes
Emptiness left me this scar

But I heard your voice
Calling me out of the cold

CHORUS:
Now I can live again
I have been chosen to run with the wind
I can go higher I know I will soar
I’m taller I’m stronger I’m better than before

I’ve walked through fire so I could become
All that you said I could be
Now my breath has a reason
My sky has a sun
‘Cause in you I’ve found all that I need

Your touch revived me
It was your love that opened my eyes

CHORUS:
Now I can live again
I have been chosen to run with the wind
I can go higher I know I will soar
I’m taller I’m stronger I’m better than before

I broke through the rain
Stuck through the storm
Now I know I remain
I can do the impossible
I can reach the unreachable

Its my time
I will rise and live

CHORUS:
I can live again
I have been chosen to run with the wind
And I can go higher I know I will soar
I’m taller I’m stronger I’m better than before

And now I can live again
I have been chosen to run with the wind
I can go higher I know I will soar
I’m taller I’m stronger I’m better than before

Permalink Leave a Comment

Protected: who am i to u?

September 17, 2008 at 12:27 am (feelings, rant) (, , , )

This content is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

Permalink Enter your password to view comments.

what message are we sending out???

September 13, 2008 at 2:48 am (politics) (, )

i truly don’t understand.

I just got back from a mooncake celebration with fellow colleagues and heard from my bf the news and rushed online to read the star. It would seem that…

Ahmad Ismail made the “comments” and after that big HOO HAA, he was suspended by UMNO and stripped of his post for 3 years.

BUT…

Malaysia Today’s editor- Raja Petra, DAP’s Teresa Kok and Sin Chew’s reporter- Tan Hoon Cheng was arrested on Friday, 12 September 2008 under ISA and for?

“Blogging about the obvious state of the country?”

“Asking for an apology when a wrong was deemed to have occured?”

“Defending or acting in the public’s interest?”

“Reporting what was said by a person who was callous with his words?”

My simple mind fails to comprehend. Before our general elections in March 2008, I was never one to follow the news or rather politics cause it was then somewhat portrayed as dull and mundane. However, with the way things are going, I am just trying to understand or rather digest what on earth is going on in Malaysia Politics with all the scandals and retardedness.

I mean, in my simple mind, correct me if i am wrong BUT wasn’t it Ahmad Ismail who made the statement FIRST and never apologised and further fueling the situation by demanding apologies from the reporter etc? How is it that he just gets suspended for 3 years (and with him saying he can still serve the party through different posts) where else Teresa Kok and Tan hoon Cheng are arrested under ISA?

It’s like punishing the youngest child for saying that mummies and daddies in the world are useless and suck but disowning the older sister for reporting the incident and the older brother for demanding an apology.

For those who don’t know what is ISA (Internal Security Act).. here’s a mini write up on it as taken from this site.

“The Internal Security Act 1960 (ISA) is a preventive detention law in force in Malaysia. Any person may be detained by the police for up to 60 days without trial for an act which allegedly prejudices the security of the country or any part thereof.

The ISA has been consistently used against people who criticise the government and defend human rights. Known as the ‘white terror’, it has been the most feared and despised, yet convenient tool for the state to suppress opposition and open debate. The Act is an instrument maintained by the ruling government to control public life and civil society.

The ISA goes against the right of a person to defend himself in an open and fair trial. The person can be incarcerated up to 60 days of interrogation without access to lawyers.”

What message are we telling the people? the nation? people overseas? our current and potential investors and especially foreign investors? Isn’t this contributing negatively to an even unstable economy? Are we kamikaze-ing? Why are the people in power who are supposed to represent and govern us NOT making Malaysia a better nation? Why are the crucial matters not being addressed BUT things that are insignificant ARE being blown out of proportion?

Let us not play into the hands of those that want our nation’s downfall. Let us reign in our emotions, think twice before giving in to the beast within us that cries out “injustice”! That is why with all the hoo haa going on, we must stay calm, rational and keep our wits about ESPECIALLY right now in times of political and economical instability.

Do not let there be a repeat of May 1969. Not only many Chinese were massacred but even Malays and definitely Indians were also victims. Think of YOUR loved ones… your parents, your family or even your friends and colleagues of different races and the times you’ve had together. That’s got to count for something.

Let us try not to see ourselves as individuals… as Malays or Chinese or Indians but as MALAYSIANS!!

After all, isn’t that what we call ourselves to begin with?

Permalink Leave a Comment

another wedding song

September 11, 2008 at 11:39 pm (songs) ()

I found another potential wedding song!!! You know how at weddings there will be a video clip of the bride and groom with songs playing at the background? Yeah, this song will go well with sweet, romantic and gorgeous pictures of me and my hubby! =)

haha.. sounds as if I am planning my wedding right? But despite how ready I may be, one has to wait for one’s potential spouse to complete his studies, gradute and get a job first. Til then, one can only dream…

Eric Benet & Tamia – Spend My Life With You

I never knew such a day could come
And I never knew such a love
Could be inside of one

And I never knew what my life was for
But now that you’re here I know for sure

I never knew till I looked in your eyes
I was incomplete till the day you walked into my life
And I never knew that my heart could feel
So precious and pure
One love so real

Can I just see you every morning when
I open my eyes
Can I just feel your heart beating beside me
Every night
Can we just feel this way together
Till the end of all time
Can I just spend my life with you

Now baby the days and the weeks
And the years will roll by
But nothing will change the love inside
Of you and I

And baby I’ll never find any words
That could explain
Just how much my heart my life
My soul you’ve changed

Can you run to these open arms
When no one else understands
Can we tell God and the whole world
I’m your woman, and you’re my man
Can’t you just feel how much I love you
With one touch of my hand
Can I just spend my life with you

No touch has ever felt so wonderful
(You are incredible)
And a deeper love I’ve never known
(I’ll never let you go)
I swear this love is true
(Now and forever to youto you)
Can I just see you every morning when

I open my eyes
Can I just feel your heart beating beside me
Every night
Can we just feel this way together
Till the end of all time
Can I just spend my life with you
Can you run to these open arms

When no one else understands
Can we tell God and the whole world
You’re my woman, and you’re my man
Can’t you just feel how much I love you
With one touch of my hand
Can I just spend my life with you

Can I just spend my life with you
Can I just spend my life with you
(Forever here with you)
Can I just spend my life with you
Can I just see you every morning when I
Open my eyes

Permalink Leave a Comment

and the drama ends… or does it?

September 11, 2008 at 10:52 pm (politics) ()

and so, finally Ahmad Ismail (aka Mr. Ah MAD in kennysia’s blog) apologised.

WAIT-A-MINUTE… he didn’t… did he?

NOPE. He didn’t. Up to date, he still refuses to retract his “intelligent” remarks and apologise. However, UMNO has suspended and stripped him of his post for 3 years as reported in The Star online today. I guess taking an action than no action is better.  

He on the other hand may have accepted the decision as “God’s will” but promises to make a comeback as reported in The Star today.

“In politics there are leaders and fighters. As a fighter, there are sacrifices and risks. If you are afraid of the ocean waves, don’t build your house on the beach.

“Being struck by waves is normal but this time it was a tsunami (that hit me).

“But I have a long time, three years, to build a stronger house. I will build it on the same site. I will stay on with Umno, my party,”.

Hence, the drama is to be continued…

Curtesy of kennysia

Curtesy of kennysia

Kennysia has portrayed the whole debacle or rather drama in cartoon version AND somehow, only Kennysia would come up with something like this…

kennysia the cartoonist

kennysia the cartoonist

Permalink Leave a Comment

Next page »