in 10 hours time…

October 30, 2008 at 10:50 pm (countdown, feelings) ()

i m going back to a place where i really dread. it is a place where i learn about racism, favourtism, how important it is to have good PR cos it definitely lets u off the hook of tai chi-ing work to others and the lack of support and mostly the lack of appreciation and recognition of hardwork!

i think that sometimes, managers and partners are so caught up in their own politics that they dun give a toot forget the welfare and wellbeings of their staff or else they just put on a show of caring. i believe that a manager or partner should stand by their staff against the client no matter what! if the staff had erred or blundered etc, then they should be reprimanded by the manager/partner and not the manager/partner using the staff as a scapegoat and placate the client by agreeing and promising anything under the sky.

if they do that, then where is the independence? and does it not then defeat the very foundation of what we are supposed to be doing and upholding in our line of work? then again, what we’re taught in theory in uni, in our so-called-professional examintations (ie CPA, ACCA, ICAEW etc), our in house training are just nothing but words as it so very often isn’t practiced in reality.

i guess ppl are just susceptible to the dark side. it’s just in our nature to be sinful.

and it’s even sadder that ppl embrace it and dun care of the ultimate consequence of where they might end up eventually for eternity.

anyhow, i seem to have digress once again. i m still trying not to dwell for dwelling will only lead to dark and gloomy thoughts… so, i’ll just have to take one day at a time.

hopefully, tmr i dun have to go out.


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to wordpress or to blogspot… that is d question!

October 30, 2008 at 1:47 am (feelings, musing, rant) (, , )

actually, in conjunction with my change of mindset from the super negative and pessimistic me to the cheery chirpy me, i have been thinking of changing the blog theme. when i was pessmistic, i felt that the current dark blue gloomy template suited my then gloomy thoughts and temperament very well. However, now it just looks tooo “gloomy”.

and i ve been thinking of actually joining nuffnang. they seem to be pretty hype and happening bunch with loads of really hip ideas! and i have been blogging since 2003 itself ay my previous blogspot account and yeah even if my blog may not have many readers (for now, that is)… there’s no harm in starting from somewhere rite? who knows what can happen in a year? just take a look at nuffnang’s short history to present success.. i mean, who knows what may even happen tmr

u just never know.

hence, i was checking out nuffnang’s site, to better understand their terms and conditions and from what i understand, it may be better for me to continue blogging at my previous blog in blogspot! and the funny thing is… i ve always preferred blogspot! i find it easier to post my pics… to use verdana font instead etc. u have to understand that i m not computer savvy watsoever. so, html is out of the question! i m the kind of person who just knows how to check her mail, surf the net, chat on msn and that’s basically about it. a real dumbo at computer staff or anything for that matter.

ok. i seem to have digress. as usual. so, the question is… “why did i change to wordpress instead?”, rite? it’s because of their privatise-an-entry-function! for blogspot, i can only set a limit to invited guests only to read my uninteresting and morbid entries as a form of protection to any unwanted readers where else with wordpress, i would be able to password protect specifically the entries i didn’t want certain ppl to read. i was ok with ppl reading certain parts of my entries but not all especially office ppl.

anyhow, with the terms set out, it would seem that i’ll be heading back to my blogspot account. we shall see how things goes.

ps: Sigh. Job allocation is out and i am thoroughly upset with my allocation. I must have pissed someone off to be assigned to a shitty job (or so i was told) til end of march and at the beck n call of the other dept’s senior (whom it seems might not be so nice or so i was told). and it is a possibility that i am to be the lab rat (as per a friend) experiment in the integration of jobs with the other dept. i really  don’t like their work-late-even-if-there-isn’t-a-need-to culture! this is SO going to put my “positive me” mindset to a test which at this moment i can feel my happy me wavering… and slipping…

and hence…

Dear God,

please grant me the serenity to accept the things that i cannot change;

courage to change the things that i can; 

and the wisdom to know the difference.

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it is over… for now…

October 28, 2008 at 7:27 pm (studies) ()



exams are over for now.

WHEEEE……. that is, for this semester. One more last paper next year provided i pass CGA (Corp Governance) and IB (International biz). If i don’t, then it’s adieu to CPA exams for me as i won’t be wasting my time and precious money on something i m beginning to second guess it’s worthiness.

hehe. well there is a 50% chance i might pass. so, we will see how it goes. i guess there’s no wrong in wishing for the stars and the moons and you get what i mean.. hence, it would be really great if i could get maybe a credit or distinction cos i think i would be just plain greedy to hope for High distinction.

next up, will compile and come up with my things-to-do-list, my birthday-wish-list etc…. =)

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on exams and the aftermath…

October 26, 2008 at 12:05 am (musing, studies) (, )

ON EXAMS… so, i had my first exam (CGA) for this semester on friday and well, i didn’t have enough time to complete the questions. Despite the fact that i could answer the questions, there is a 50% possibility of me failing. *haha* and if i do fail, i get a free dinner from anne!! =p however, if she passes (which we ALL knows that she will), i get a free dinner from her!! so, who knows? i may get 2 free dinner meals!! must start planning where to go for my free dinners… *hehe*

after the exam at Matrade exhibition centre- Jalan Khidmat Usaha, Lyn and i made our way to 1u’s Daves to meet our emo colleague Kris… *haha* ok ok… kidding la… to meet the “gang”. After that, the bunch of crazy peeps decided to go to Neway for karaoke (and dragged me a long) despite Red Box at Curve (which was only like WAT??? 10mins drive away??!!!) having a better selection of songs.

POST 1ST EXAM… Friday nite karaoke-ing is utter MADNESS!! it’s crazy EXPENSIVE ok!!! Approximately RM46++ (RM69 per person after taxes…crazy k) from 10pm til 2am. nevertheless, it was fun!! we sang chinese songs (FIR, melodi sang by sheila majid and some chinese dude, super lots of emo chinese songs that i have no idea what the titles are), english songs ranging from love songs by mariah carey, old school bands’-backstreet boys, michael learns to rock, westlife to venting-anger-screaming linkin park’s one step closer and of course, malay songs by peter pan and my jaclyn victor’s gemilang! i think if we had known any indian songs, we would have had a go at it.




ON KARAOKE at NEWAY… highlights of the nite would be:

1) alan n lyn without mikes are WAAAAAY louder than all of us with mikes!!

2) two of them happily playing some “chi chi chi ba” drinking game whilst some of us were singing, and based on highlight no.1, they really DROWNed out our melodious voices with their crazy chantings of “chi chi ba”.. and apparently, that is the Hong Kong way of karaoke!! *haha* yeah rite.. =p

3) diva lyn singing her “Through the rain” by mariah carey with total abandonment! and she just makes me less reserved/shy to sing what with her lack of inhibitations basically, tak tau malu-ness!! =)

4) starting off the nite with abba’s dancing queen!! it was LEGENDARY (as barny from “How i met your mother” would say) ok ok.. SUPERBLY awesome!! with ALL 8 of us screaming singing on top of our lungs like there was no tomorrow..

5) alan n kris snorring sleeping away counting million of sheeps in oblivion WHILST kokie (as per lyn) and alex found release for their frustrations in true Linkin Park style to “One step closer”!

6) lyn, me n yokey (as per kris) really got high to FIR’s “Get High!”… it was a super energetic, pumped up song! and both of them proceeded to end the nite (almost or past 2am) with several super emo songs from some TVB drama series much to the consternation of alex who wanted to go back then…

ON A CHANGE OF MINDSET… i really had a blast… and yes, being positive really helps me to be a happier person. there was a point where i kind of felt a bit not-into-the-mood (during dinner) but i told myself to hang in there, don’t be sensitive, don’t let what others do/don’t do affect me and just make the best out of it! and hey… i did had a good nite as opposed to past experiences! =) like i said… it was a B-L-A-S-T!!

and today.. i m pratically cheery chirpy to the point that someone commented on facebook if i took happy pills!! and that’s not even experiencing my chirpiness personally, face-to-face! FYI, i don’t need alcohol or any kind of drugs to be high!! *haha* even the shopowners at digital mall smiled A LOT to me prolly tapping into my aura of happiness… but i m wondering how they can sense my cheeriness. hmmm….

perhaps, there is a “glow” on my face that SHOUTS “cheery chirpy”!!! and practically oozing out of me pores…

ps: to every good, there is the bad… chilly pan mee for lunch and tom yam for dinner induced pain and”hotness” at my souther region and it’s not the front part! super unpleasant for my poor “si fat long” (cantonese for arsehole) ok!! besides that, i haven’t studied anything for my second exam on Tuesday!!! doom doom doom.. BUT wheeee…

pps: pics on karaoke nite will be uploaded eventually in facebook or somewhere.. but video clips ARE  definitely going on Youtube!!!

pps: d karaoke pic above was taken from google images..

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winning is such a nice feeling…

October 23, 2008 at 2:09 pm (musing) (, , , )

i won 2 free tix to the nuffnang premiere screening of Madagascar 2 courtesy of… JADE ZHENG!!! OK.. am a little miffed that she spelt my name WRONGLY!! it’s Esther with a “H” after the “T” and before “E” not the ESTER (bahan lemak.. i think??) we learned in secondary school. But all is forgiven since i m getting free tix.. cannot complain too much rite?

whoopiiee…. happy… ladadiiieee….

throws my notes in the air as who cares about cpa exams and skips around the room…. wheeee…

ok ok.. it’s back to sleeping studying. The feeling of winning sth is super exciting ok since i hardly win ANYTHING despite joining countless giant competitions and other competitions… When i was young, i would join all the newspaper competition etc.. but not receive any reply saying i had won…

but now i have…. wheee once again….

now the headache is “who to take with me to the screening???” if my bf was here, of course he would be my lucky partner since it was due to him that i won the tix!! nyek nyek..

but seeing that he isn’t here.. hmmm.. AND since it’ll be ON my SIS’s bday, she’ll be my lucky partner for the nite! although there are so many other ppl i also want to ask!!! =) sorry sorry!!! if i had more tix.. i would definitely have asked u (Ngee)… and u (Wen)… and u… and YOU!!! …. and you… and you… and… 

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study plan gone awry.. again!!

October 23, 2008 at 1:53 am (musing, studies) (, , )

MAN. study plan was the worse! i didn’t follow ANY of it and i have YET to complete a single module! Can you believe that i woke up about 11ish, had my bathe, breakfast or more like brunch, surf the net for a bit and proceeded to browse through module 1 and promptly fell asleep from 1sth pm til 5sth pm!!! yeah, and for that, adding to my expanding tummy, waist, hips and thighs!!! =(

and well, seeing how it is that it’s late and i can only do so much… let me digress for a bit…

i came across JADE zheng’s blog (i tot she’s cindy??).. anyways, if you guys don’t know or have never heard of her before, she is the winner of Malaysia’s Dreamgirl 2008! and if you’re still giving me that blur blur look.. go hang yourself and get a life google it or check out her blog! =p

ok ok. back to JADE. well, she’s giving out 30 free tix to Madagascar 2 and that means only 15 bloggers will BE lucky BUT as per her update at 12sth on monday, she has 3 spots left.. so, whoever who is interested, hurry!! check out her blog. All u have to do is blog about what animal would you love your bf/gf to be.. in BED!

ermm… what KIND of question is that?? *hehe* i can envision my mum shaking her head disapprovingly… =)

well, now now.. don’t get all excited.

For the perves, you can take it in the sexual context or for the “innocent and pure of heart”, you can think of it differently.. though nowadays, sexual innuendos are highly overrated… movies, series, books, anything you read online and even jokes with friends, colleagues etc are filled with sexual innuendos.. i mean, come on la.. i m sure that’s not the ONLY interesting thing one has to talk about rite???!!

hey.. dun think of me as a prude.. i’ll have u know that ppl in general have said that good girls are actually more wild than wild girls.. haha.. now, if only someone could testify to that! =)

anyways, back to free Madagascar 2 movie tix… I HOPE THAT THERE ARE STILL SOME FREE TIX!!!

so, eeeeniiieeee.. meeeniieeee.. mynieee…. mo! what animal should my bf be??? tough one… hmmmmm…

i guess it would definitely have to be a dog!! why???!!! u know what ppl say how cats treat their owners like slaves/servants (no offense to all you feline lovers ya!!) but… EVERYONE knows that dogs ARE man’s best friend!! my bf is my boyfriend and also my bestest friend! and i loooooove doggies… especially german shepherds and golden retrievers!! they’re so BIG and huggable!! hence, my choice would naturally be a d-o-g!

i can SOOO imagine him rite now… all furry and cuddly (ok, he is so going to be offended that i ve liken him to a doggie =p)… perferbly not a maltese, chi hua hua or shihtzus kind of dog cos they’re so tiny and yappy… (once again.. no offense to the maltese, chi hua hua and shihtzu fans). Dogs shower you with their love and adoration by drowning your face with their salivas.. they’re also so playful and cheeky and definitely L-O-Y-A-L… then again, those are for the well trained dogs (unlike my dog, Patches who always runs out sneakily)

so, there you have it… compile all those traits listed in green and bolded and put him in BED.. what do you think you’ll get?? *winks*

madagascar 2

madagascar 2

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prepared to fail but bf says “cannot”!!

October 22, 2008 at 2:15 am (studies) ()

… that was my gmail nick and ngee thought that the second part was funny. Unfortunately, my bf does not agree. I kind of received a shelling from him for it. You see, he thinks that i m being negative/pessimistic with that statement and after all the trouble he’s gone through which i will talk about later.

He said disgruntledly, “why couldn’t you put a more positive statement?” And i said, “Like what?? What’s wrong with it?? Even Ngee says it was cute ok…”

“Well, then you better spend less time with her… and something positive along the lines like- wishing or hoping to pass??”

-_-“ *sweat* (btw, sorry Ngee… he didn’t mean it about us spending less time together… we can still hang out!!)

I have made those kind of wishes in the past and look where it got me to? Don’t we all make wishes and fervently hope that they come true? Some may wish to win the Million dollar jackpot. Some on the other hand may wish that they excel in their exams. Others perhaps wishes to be beautiful and maybe some others wish to be successful. As for me, I am no different. I wish and wish and wish and…

However, there is one thing about me. I am the kind of person who takes disappointments doubly harder that anyone else.. or so i think and even my bf concurs on this. I would wish for something and when it doesn’t materialise, my world will come crashing down, life as i know totally ceases to exist.. my world at it’s end.

Ok. So i exaggerate. *snicker* (but you fell for it!)

And so, instead of wishing i will pass my exams, i prepare myself for the possibility that i might fail (of course i want to pass, a high distinction would be even better!) and i don’t think it with pessimismness but with absolute objectivity. I embrace that possibility and prepare myself mentally but it doesn’t mean i give up studying altogether.

No, i still try to read through my modules although i m beginning to wonder why do we put ourselves through this torture of reading such material that i somehow fail to see any relevance to my work and did i mention how BORING and DRY the reading materials are???!!! And an article of 11pages on what happened to Enron etc. when one could just be short, precise and summarise the whole article into maybe 5pages or less!

Such torture to my eyes and mind!!! no wonder my bf thinks i m mentally not rite! All this mindless mind boggling articles has fried my mind and everything is all jumbled up! hah! *Kidding!*

I guess my bf was miffed at my “prepared to fail” status as he has been rather encouraging ie. promising to email me each day i study (and knowing my bf, it takes him forever to type what more to say send an email to me!) and he also came up with a study plan for me ytd and today! and all for my benefit! i hope i keep to it!

here’s the plan for tuesday!! =)

22nd Oct

9.00     wake up, bathe, breakfast (most importantly eat something so can stay alert), read newspaper. If you can, then try do IB 1 before 11.00

11.00   Study

1st break (rest for 10 mins 11.30 till 11.40)

2nd break (rest for 10 mins 12.10 till 12.20)

3rd break (rest for 10 mins 12.50 till 1.00)

            CGA 1

1.30     Lunch read newspaper, blog, If you have spare time then continue a bit of IB 1(optional)

3.00     Study

1st break (rest for 10 mins 3.30 till 3.40)

2nd break (rest for 10 mins 4.10 till 4.20)

Start CGA 6

3rd break (rest for 10 mins 4.50 till 5.00)

5.30     Go for a walk or stroll around your housing area or play with patches, Sleep if you want to but make sure you wake up before 6.30 so you get half hour to freshen up before starting your study again.

6.30     Have a cup of tea with biscuit for dinner

7.00     Study

            1st break (rest for 10 mins 7.30 till 7.40)

2nd break (rest for 10 mins 8.10 till 8.20)

3rd break (rest for 10 mins 8.50 till 9.00)

            CGA 6

9.30     Take bath, Surf the net, read the mail and all, wait for my call, munch a few biscuits

11.00   Study

1st break (rest for 10 mins 11.30 till 11.40)

2nd break (rest for 10 mins 12.10 till 12.20)

3rd break (rest for 10 mins 12.50 till 1.00)

            IB 1

Finish at 1.30 and get ready to sleep.

Lights off by 2.00 (MSG CLEMENT B4 SLEEP)

1)      Make sure you don’t break longer than you are supposed to

2)      Try your best to keep to this timing

3)      Make sure you have proper meal before you study

4)      If you are ahead of schedule move on to next topic

5)      Try your best not to sleep in the noon

6)      Be discipline

Thank you God for my goldfish bf. Despite our UPs and super LOADS of DOWNs… ok ok.. kidding… our many many UPs… he is still here for me and tries his best to please me, sayang me when i super emo, tahan me during my pms rampages and encourage me when i m down.. and even when i bite back at him, he tries to be ever patient but a guy can only take so much, rite?? hehe.. sometimes he does experience the occasional brattishness and pms himself!

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a gentle reminder…

October 18, 2008 at 3:47 pm (food, musing) (, , , )

ha gao

ha gao

Just got back from dim sum with my two super great gal pals! it’s always a pleasure going out with both of them though today wen seems rather tense-ish but ngee seemed rather happier or is it energetic??!!

anyways, we went to Summer Palace, off sprint highway just opposite san francisco steakhouse, damansara intan (if i m not mistaken) for DIM SUM as Wen kept saying about their lunch promotion offer from Mon-Sat and how good the dim sum was etc. and here i was wondering how yummy could it be.

It was yummilicious! Dim sum has never tasted so good. The siew mai consists of 2 prawns and a little bit of meat unlike the usual meaty meat siew mai. Even the prawn in the ha gao tastes so fresh. Wen recommended the lou sah pao and polo pao and it was jsut manifique!! superb!!

polo pao

polo pao

We first had the polo pao which is pastry like with custard in the centre and the lou sah pao had a filling of salty egg perhaps mixed with custard. It was not too salty neither was it very sweet. Just perfect. The centre was rather fascinating that Wen kept pressing it to see it oozing.  However, you got to eat the above while it’s hot/warm.

lou sah pao

lou sah pao

There has got to be chinese tea at every dim sum session and the chinese tea, ti kun yam was really simply yummy that you want to just keep sipping and drinking it. There is no after tea taste and neither was the tea bitterish.

Basically, once you enjoy the DIM SUM at Summer Palace, you’ll be deemed spoilt and other coffee shop-kind-of-dim sum will never taste yummy anymore. The texture and taste of the food and drink at Summer Palace is just so refine and not oily at all!

haha.. unfortunately, summer palace is not paying me for this review but i just wanted to recommend for those who might get stuck deciding what to eat during meal times. I prolly will bring my family there next Sat, if possible!

On a different matter, u know how i ve been trying to be more optimistic or change? well, it’s still an on going struggle and today while out for lunch with Wen and Ngee, something that Ngee said reminded me to be positive. We were asking her about her work and she mentioned how her short time in her job felt like a long time but still she keeps a positive outlook cos there’s no point in making urself miserable when u’re in it in the job which is true upon reflection. so, THANKS Ngee for the gentle reminder!

and that’s why on my “to-be-thankful-for” list is..

Thank you God that I have friends like Wen and Ngee whom although we just meet up once in awhile but our outings are ALWAYS enjoyable… filled with Wen’s quirky character and Ngee’s gentle and sweet demeanour! 

ps: pics were taken from my bf’s then but now mine canon ixus60! 

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who am i?

October 17, 2008 at 1:38 pm (musing) (, , , )

high school

high school

some ppl from high school who used to be nerdy or nerdy looking NOW dresses up or looks better/smarter and there are some who used to be gangsters doing poorly in exams seem to be better off NOW in uni/work and there are the other some ppl who used to kononnya looked better in high school NOW looks chubbier or less attractive or results aren’t as good as they used to be. mind u, i said “some” ppl…

i guess ppl change over time and are molded through circumstances and experiences. with different situations, one is faced with many choices to make. once, one has chosen the particular choice/action to take, the consequences have to be lived through. in office itself, i see some high school mates who used to look average etc. but now dresses up and looks smarter and i salute these ppl for making the effort to improve their looks or situation and for really going all out to make it happen despite others poking fun at them. look at xia xue!! classic example… in terms of physical looks.

the question that begs to be asked is… “so, who am i?”

am i still the little girl that was defiant, semi rebellious with a strong character who tried her best to strive to be a good girl… to obey God and all? the little girl who constantly worried about school as her mandarin sucked then and still sucks now and was always afraid to go to school for fear that the teacher would ask her to read and be reprimanded for her lousy pin yin or the lack of answers to questions that she never understood?



or m i the girl in highschool who had lots of friends and was happier then than now who started wavering in her faith and perhaps made certain decisions that partially led to me being the way i m now? the girl who was not allowed out with friends to the mall til after form 5? who had chicken pox that left a huge scar at not-so-strategic place? the girl who had her first bf but was constantly hurt then?

or do i retain to be the girl in foundation and uni that ppl then said she always smiled and had a cheery disposition? the girl who felt left out off and on as she had curfews but most of her peers were out partying and she never thought to rebel against the rules imposed on her and slowly her friends drifted apart? the girl who had to go home to help out with taking care of the kids and cooking etc. that some ppl (even friends) won’t understand as they’re privilege to either not have curfews (given freedom) or parents just give them money when ever they want or need it.

no. i m none of the above anymore. in my first year of work, i continued to pray and do my quiet time hoping to feel God back in my life or maybe he’s always there but i m trying too hard just like everything else in my life and then came the second year of work but by end of the year til now, i stopped believing in certain things.. i stopped controlling wat i say.. how i think…

i tot that some ppl were more than colleagues but i guess the feeling was not mutual. or perhaps it was my fault that in my first year, i didn’t hang out much with them as i had no car… limited amount of money and colleagues somehow loooove to go to expensive places ie chillis. so, where do i fit in? i tot by being “open” like them, perhaps i would feel part of the group. sometimes, i feel i m and yet other times i dun. it’s like occasionally i m invited to observe the secret club. my feedbacks are encouraged but not taken into account. omg. sounds like peer pressure!

if u know wat i m talking about, u would probably say that i didn’t try or that i m being too sensitive. then again, there were times when u probably felt just as i did. the only difference is, u found ur footing and ur confidantes.

i tot that all this insecurities n uncertainties are supposed to fade as one approaches adulthood but perhaps the foundation that i set was not strong enough and here i m, still swimming in a pool of uncertainties or rather more like sinking in them.

i want a change. i WANT TO change! but it’s always easier saying it than doing it.

i realised perhaps i ve wasted my past 5 years of my life on the nitty gritty things looking at ppl being wordly… but perhaps subconsciously i too, got sucked in to the world thinking that i had one foot in the “world” and the other in God when it should ALWAYS have been in God’s and there is no one to point at but myself. after all, despite anything and everything, i made those choices and all those other fingers are pointing back at me.

rules of life

rules of life

it’s not a matter of ” do i go on being the way i m?” or “do i change?” cos i definitely want a change and there is no one to depend on and maybe that is what God’s lesson is to me… depend on no one else but Him. maybe when i do start depending on Him wholeheartedly the uncertainties will fall away and i will know what i should know.

dun see me as an example of how a christian is (because i m not how a true christian should be at this point in my life) and dun see a christian behaving badly and let it stop u from experiencing it for urself cos look at me, i let stumbling blocks and hypocrisy cloud my decisions and for that i chose to react wrongly and immaturely and look at where i m now…

being a christian is not just having a religion. it’s not just about the “u can’t do this” and “u must do that”. to every rule there is a reason behind it. it is so much more that that and that is what i ve been wanting and it’s hard sometimes when u dun have the right encouragement or ppl really living the faith surrounding u and i m not saying that ppl who are not christians are any less nice. in fact, sad to say, it is the non-christians who haven been by my side.

man. i guess the way i blog and talk is how i feel and think. all jumble up and all over the place. hopefully, things will change. maybe this rat year is not my year and maybe next year will be it but it doesn’t matter. i want a change in me before i marry, before i start a family. i want to be a blessing to others and i hope that even when it hurts only to be other ppl’s doormat that i can still be there for them.

this post can go on and on and on and yet it will be the same ramblings over and over. i m better off than some ppl but there will always be other ppl who are better off than me. and the secret is to be contented with what i have but it doesn’t mean that i can’t continually strive to be the best that i can be and i hope that one day i can proudly say that i have achieved that happiness and optimism.

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no update on studies as…

October 14, 2008 at 11:04 pm (musing, studies) (, )

i haven’t touched my study material at all since ytd 5sth pm!

man. after not studying for a year and being thoroughly demotivated at work, somehow, it’s a struggle to bring myelf to the study table and read even a line or two.

my mind just wanders off to all the movies and tv series i want to watch, the places i want to go, the things i want to do before my study break ends and MAINLY before i go back to work.

i’ve been trying to think right… to think positively but somehow i lapse once in awhile and keep seeing the glass as half empty insted of half full. curious if this is to be a forever future me and i hope not cos i want to be a good mother and a good influence to my children in future and i definitely dun want them to ever be even 10% of the current negative me!

so, guess that means i got to buck up n push myself to go and study now even if it is late! and to remember to count my blessings and name them one by one..



THANKFUL LIST for the day

to-be-thankful-for no.1: i managed to meet up with ms. tofuskin who was bimbotic as ever! =p and also ms. mimi!

to-be-thankful-for no.2 : i have a car to drive (trying hard not to add any despites and buts…)

to-be-thankful-for no.3 : i can drive my manual car!!

btw, did u guys enjoyed the song “aku dan dirimu” that i posted before this post? well, i did and i ve been listening to it over and over probably about 10-15times and i m NOT exaggerating! despite me being a selective racist, i still like the song!!

r u curious wat is a “selective racist“? *hehe* maybe i’ll explain in my next post. =p

then again, maybe i won’t cos i dun think i m ready to be Raja Petra’s prisonmate just yet!


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