no clearing queries.
no managers/client calling or chasing for anything.
just me, bf and the world!!! or more like brisbane!!!
can’t wait! can’t wait!!!
i really hate work. i truly do.
i fervently, truly, really wished with all of my tiny heart that didn’t have to go to work.
Well, call me pessmisitic, depressive, melancholic. Anything you can name that is related to negativity, that’s me. Period. Which is rather unfortunate for my mental health and everyone else’s around me. =p
It would seem that since working at my firm, I have not grown to be a lovelier person, a smarter person or a better person. Instead, i have become more impatient, less tolerant, anger easily and a tendency to scold more. And after my secondment to JB, it would seem that I cuss more. Ok ok. Not as bad as most people but the basic damn, shit and ooooohhhh- my- Gods.
So, it would seem that the most logical step is to find a new job right? Well, it’s not that simple. I have tried but am still searching. I wished I could resign and take the time to reassess myself, to reprioritise, to search me cos it seems that I have become a person I don’t like. Sad to say, white lies are easier to say and pass on even without the guilty feelings.
What has happenned to the goody-two-shoes me?
Flushed down the drain after 2years and 6 months of working life at my “fantastic” firm. Seriously, one of the core values are integrity but somehow, I am sure that there are going ons in the firm that somehow does not jive with integrity and is the very opposite of it! But that’s not for me to ponder on as my heart and soul is not in the firm and never was to begin with.
Such is the life of a person who feels as if she has to bear most of the family responsibilities. Somehow, I am wondering if God is playing a cruel joke on me. Time after time, i tell myself to stop having morbid thoughts that others ie my mother/sister/bf admonished me from even having such thoughts but to no avail. It’s as if I am like Anakin Skywalker, drawn to the darkside.
Today, when I reached my desk, I saw 2 files out from partner’s room and opened my inbox in the morning, tears nearly threatened to spill. I felt so overwhelm thinking of the queries I have to clear adn reading the emails dictating the things that I have to get done that I had the strong urge to just drive home and sleep. Sleep and never wake up.
Even when I called my bf, I felt tears in my eyes and had to really hold the tears and will them to stay bottled in. Thankfully my colleague let me off for today from assisting him with console work so that I can try to clear my back logs and it made my day so much more breatheable.
And that is why in life, we have to be thankful at times for the little things cos it’s the little things that makes a whole lot of difference at the end of the day. It is always the little things, the little petty issues/arguments that crawls under our skin and pisses us off. It is the little things that are usually swept under the carpet that will explode into a big thing.
And what’s left at the end of it?
Broken friendships, broken relationships and ppl nowadays just take the easy way out citing “irreconciliable differences” when all one had to do was…
….. the little thing.
curtesy of my bf.. sunset at cooloundra, sunshine coast.
been having this super awesome headache/migrane ever since i woke up today. the pain is so severe that it causes me to want to puke!
is it due to stress? lack of sleep the past few nites?
or…. could it be the *tooting* crazy HOT weather??!!?
slept for the past 5hours and still woke up with the headache!!! aarghhh.. bitching session!! whoops. i don’t bitch! shucks, cos i m such a nice and sweet person. *sigh* there goes my venting time.
*sigh* will attempt to do some work and if it still persists, i’ll just go back to sleep. can’t wait for what’s to come in 3 weeks times!!
this is just total madness. 12.47am. just got back from work. had my shower. now having my dinner and continuing work. who on earth works like that?? and at my age??!!!
hence, the ageing look on me! which also pretty much explains the panda eye bags, pimples mushrooming all over my face (ok, that was a little exageration), bushy eye brows (no time for threading or plucking) and so on and so forth. not that i am a looker to begin with. this just further downgrade me. =(
hehe. ever the drama princess…
anyways, apparently it would seem that i ve missed out on a few “celebrity bloggers” in my previous post… so, here’s a few to mention…
Ringo– one of the Malaysia Dream Girls contestant.
Teenage Lolita– a college or i think uni girl who sells her “ahem” for $$$.
stickgal– pretty interesting blog whereby the blogger uses a pic in the form of stick gal to express her thoughts.
kinky blue fairy– she’s quite a well known blogger famous for her shocking pink hair! =)
and of course.. last but not least.. for now..
is my bf’s friend aka mr hong zi qiang who unabashedly pointed out that i forgot to mention him under the category of celebrity bloggers whom i wish to emulate.. i am rather impressed with the pictures he’s lovely ms nikkon (hong, don’t get pissed if i said it wrongly ya.) is able to capture and of course, we must give credit that is due to the expert “snapping” skills of the photographer- the blogger himself.
Met this dude last Octover through my bf whilst in Brisbane taking my stupid CPA exam. Pretty straightforward, no-nonsense type of guy and also a true Singaporean! He was practically oozing with kiasuness (hokkien for scared to lose) and kiasiness(hokkien for scared to die).
He’s a rather sharp and considerate dude except his swearing but that’s to be expected of guys nowadays and even girls, sadly. Anyhow, I told my bf, i rather he be kiasu then be a slacker anytime.
Do you know why? Well, let me enlighten you.
Basically, a person who’s scared to lose or be left behind will always try to be either one step ahead or think of ways and methods to be one step ahead. To be the ultimate survivor in our dog-eat-dog world! and this group of people actually are the ones that will be or am already succesful!
So, everyone who wants to be successful in life should adopt this motto, “Be Kiasu OR die trying!!”
*haha* corny, i know. that’s me, unfortunately.
toodles. gotta get back to work.
sniff sniff ='(
Remember how I mentioned previously that I used to blog at blogspot but have now moved to wordpress?? well, let me tell you how this current blog started and why I am back to blogging.
This entry was actually written on 18th April 2008 at another wordpress blog- plainejane84 (yeah.. rather corny in a super plain way) but have now been moved here due to a better named blog… yours truly’s kookie-ness… ok. corny again. i can’t help it!
well… it all begin when i was sick of work the other day and decided to skip and was surfing online and by chance, came across a link and clicked on it- Blogging your way into a business and spent a few minutes reading it. It was about bloggers who blogs for a living and some whoblogs as a side job earning from advertisements ie google sense, advertlets or nuffnangs.
Most bloggers never started out blogging with the intention to get readers to click away on advertisement and thus make money out of them. In fact, it is quite the opposite. Majority just started of blogging as a daily only journal about their likes and dislikes and their interest may it be food, places, things etc and also their daily lives.
I previously blogged using blogspot but decided to stop as people from office knew about my blog and was linking me and God only knows why but i felt indignant not knowing who was reading my blog. Let’s just say, life at work really was a pain in the you-know-where and probably 90% of my entries depicted how I hated my job and my whinings on how depressed I was. Hence, my blogging moments since 2003 (when i started the blog in college before it became a rage) came to a halt and left for my secondment down south or rather banishment from my Company, depending on how you want to look at it.
However, after serving my secondment and coming back home and being depressed again, I realised, I missed blogging. Not so for others to read about my sad and pathetic life but just an outlet to rant and vent my pent up emotions and also the pleasure of detailing what i go through and well, life through my eyes.
There there. I have digress from the topic at hand, once again.
So, basically, i read the above New York Times article and this guy who started the Anoymous Lawyer blog has now turned it into a book. Several years back, clicking randomly on a link off an ex high school mate’s blog, this lady, Abby Lee who blogs about her randy dandy sex life, appetite and fantasies have now turned her entries into a book and probably is doing quite well despite the topic of her book. Then again, that’s what the world is about nowadays- sex and scandals.
In other words, bloggers who blogged on their life etc or on celebrities such as Trent and Perez Hilton to name a few are now probably earning a healthy income just by blogging. And yes, i hope that eventually I will be able to blog witty entries such as the ever famous Kenny Sia who is a judge on Malaysia’s Dreamgirls and also a participant in Cleo’s 50 most eligible bachelor or Su Ann aka Pink Pau who has a flair to be dramatic at times and yet showcase intellectual and amusing opinions.
Either that, or I could be like Singaporean bloggers Dawn Yang and Wendy (probably better known as XiaXue) and have plastic surgeries performed somewhere somehow and be all “pretty” and bimbo-ish. Then again, this is after all, a plain jane’s blog from a plain jane’s point of view who is neither super smart or super pretty.
Then again, this is all just a matter of my opinion.
ps: I hope the above people don’t mind me linking them, then again, I am sure it’s good publicity for their blogs, not that they need it as they’re doing pretty good on their very own.
in all honesty, i am rather fed up with work.
i hate it. i feel like i suck at it.
am just so tired of having no time to have a life and there simply just isn’t any passion and if i were to lose this job, there won’t be any love lost!!
somehow, if by chance, any of my seniors, managers etc were to read this post, they would probably shake their head in disappointment and disdain at me. i wonder what my next increment or bonus will be like.
that’s if i even get any.
however, i ve decided to reward myself tonite by taking a break to read a novel and just perhaps, after this “reward”, i will be able to summon up my discipline and will power to stay back after training tomorrow to get my work done.
Actually, the below entry was writen on Saturday (7th June 2008 ) about 4am on another blog but i have now changed to this site… seriously a genius recommendation by my sis.. firstname.lastname@example.org was the initially suggestion but unfortunately, someone else had the foresight to be more brilliant in their insanity and hence, going kookies was borned!
I used to blog at blogspot (my very first blog) since 2003 and have been blogging until end of last year when I realized that perhaps some people from office were also reading my “oh-so-interesting” blog. It got to me that I had unknown readers which led me to privatise my blog. After all, my blog entries were rather depressing and contained much griping and perhaps, a little whining on working life.
Shortly, I was outstation for several months and the blog became somewhat redundant as blogging for no audience wasn’t any much pleasurable adding to the fact that I was super preoccupied with work. Friends and readers from my first blog did ask me to grant them access to my now privatised blogspot but it seemed pointless when I rarely update.
However, I’ve come to realised that I miss blogging. It’s sort of my outlet to vent, to rant and whine. Waitminute. I don’t whine. I express intellectual complaints, I mean, air my grievances. And so, here I am, once again blogging about my mundane, solitary existence.
And here, here I am at 4.02am on a Saturday morning. Blogging.
Although today is Friday (more like 4 hours ago), the highlight of all working person’s week, I was rather down. Being bogged down by work, my solitary existence, oceans-away-bf, family circumstances and my carelessness and endless blunders just overwhelmed me. As I left office and walked to my car, my dratted eyes kept tearing. God only knows why.
Drove back home and was still sort of crying. Fine. Bawling my eyes out. Didn’t wanted to go home just yet and drove around aimlessly. Megah to SS2 to D’sara Jaya and eventually back home. I felt so alone right at that moment. I wanted to meet someone up. Anyone. Just to talk, to seek comfort. But there was nobody that I could call.
And that just made everything more miserable.
I hope no one feels the way I do right now. And that they have ‘a person’. A Christina or a Meredith. Unlike pathetic lonely me who has no one to back me up, to be my person. Just like Alex Karev.
For the clueless, Christina, Meredith and Alex are characters from the series, “Grey’s Anatomy”.
Hear ye! Hear ye!
Welcome to the ramblings and gripings of a pensive and forlorn cookie or should i say…. kookie!