November 17, 2008 at 11:01 pm (musing) (, , )

How do you know if too much is too much? or know when is it too little?

Lately, ever since that mishap, i feel like throwing in the towel when small things crop up but on some level, i feel as if perhaps as i ve made my bed, i have to lie in it , bear the consequences and there’s no other way.

But is it really the only way?

i may feel a particular feeling for that issue/matter but the other person might not necessarily be insync and on the same wavelength with me which causes me to be in a little dilemma as this may very well be my future at stake!!

ppl can say one has too much expectations and that naturally leads to disappointments when those expectations aren’t met but it’s only natural for there to be expectations. how can one say don’t have any?

it’s like saying… “don’t expect a father to behave like one” or “don’t expect your tuition teacher to teach u ur money’s worth of coaching” or “don’t expect to have a heart that beats or a brain that functions or eyes that can see etc“. that’s rather asking the impossible isn’t it? 

and is it so wrong to expect ppl u love and care to reciprocrate those feelings and show u the same curtesy u show them? in the case of guy n girl then ok, that’s a little tough. we’ve all been through the times where we had a crush on a guy/gal but the feelings unfortunately weren’t mutual but what i m saying is perhaps between friends or family.

i just wished i could leave everything behind n start afresh. To find the real me or the new me. I ve actually been pretty happy this past 2 weeks but there’s been a lot on my mind (i m not going to be pessimistic during out trip k, lynnie d meanie!!). issues with family.. ppl whom i call my friends or so i tot they were.. cliques i tot i were part of but it appears not. i put a lot of things on hold for bf n family n when should i say enough is enough?

i m searching for answers to my questions and somehow i feel that the answers can’t be found here where i m and if things don’t change, my questions may go unanswered.

previous weeks, a thought hit me… if i were to die tonite and there was a funeral service for me, what would u say about me? what would be my legacy that i have left behind? would u have kind words to say of me? would u say that i had helped u out in ur time of need no matter how small it may seem and how i did so? would u say that i was a good friend? a good daughter or sister?  

i hope that when the time comes, someone will have something kind and nice to say of me and that i had impacted u in some point of ur life no matter how small and if i haven’t i hope that i will have the chance to do so before my time is up.


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