now i remember why…

July 31, 2008 at 9:25 pm (feelings) ()

i m sad.

i feel depressed, stressed, alone, left out, doing everything and tired out.

it’s all because…

no one cares about the “garden” or rather more like a jungle, no one cares about the living & dining room and all the junk piled there, no one cares about russell and the sores he spots and even patches now i have them, no one cares enough to bathe them either, no once cares enough to scrub and clean the toilet from dirt, moss and hair! no one cares to stand united and do their little bit to make everyone happier…

he doesn’t care about our welfare and how everyone seems to be disgruntled or rather the majority, there is no fairness or justice, some ppl do it-that’s ok but some who to do-it’s not ok, some get higher benefits when sometimes those of equal standing does not share that same amount of benefits, there’s no proper allocation with good and responsible team,

after all these years, i am still clueless, i am so confuse as to my path, to apply for which job, to stay, stick back to accounting, should i reach for the stars, should i be conventional, how do i be bitchy, how do i be the everybody-likes-me kind of person, should i stay or should i go, which one should i go to, do i apply now or later and the list keeps going on.

i used to blog more openly but now i feel stiffled and as if i have to monitor wat i say. maybe if i do blog and show the real me, no one would want to know me. if everyone did not show restrain at all in their behaviour and attitude, i think 90% of ppl will be hated. no one can please everyone.

now i see it, although my brisbane holiday was not spectacularly amazing as i basically just relaxed and laze around but everyday back here reminds me of why i was tired, sad, depressed, stressed and burnt out! my brisbane hol was my reprieve from hellhole on earth and what i would give to just go back there to…

friends who aren’t clique-ish, who welcome with open minds and full of laughter, to have a hand to hold me and steady me, a shoulder to lean on when i m tired, ears to hear me whine and laugh, eyes to really see me for me, a mind to stimulate me and to educate me, an arm to hug and craddle me when i get disgruntled or sad, basically, you…

you, who annoy me sometimes and make me so pissing mad that i wanna smack you but at the end of the day is ever patient with me and indulging me and pushing me on when i need a nudge.

YOU, who is and are my boyfriend and bestfriend, i miss you so very much…

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1 Comment

  1. on your right in ESL :) said,

    it really does seem that no one is bothered about the majority’s welfare.
    i am finally getting a real feel of what everyone means by favouritism and bias…
    and i too, share ur same uncertainties of where to go, what to do…
    we share the same feelings of being stuck where we are, despite hating it.
    perhaps we have different reasons and different circumstances, but we’re still in the same position.

    *bchugs*

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